It's raining so hard right now, in Bandung. I don't like being alone in my room. I miss my mother and my father. How we always chat in the middle of such a heavy rain like this. I have no brother nor sister, that's why I am so close to them. In my hometown, bogor, rain frequently falls, almost everyday in this kind of season. black out oftenly happens. usually, we spend hours talking at my parents' bedroom. simply chat, discuss stuffs, jokes around, share what's good from our day. my dad always come up with his unordinary jokes. my mom always got a silly story from her day to tell. i have my story about you know teenager stuffs. i love them. and i badly wanna go home right now. i miss my mother and father. i regret bad things i have done that succeded in making them upset. i haven't done anything to make them proud of me. god, i just ask for more time to make them happy. i am their only one, their only hope, and let me make them happy, the happiest time of their life. i am here, alone. i don't know if i am lonely. i guess i can socialize pretty well, but i don't know if i am really happy inside. there is a stumbling rock in my heart. it's about something i still can't achieve. i don't ask for eternal hapiness, but if it possible i would love to feel one, or give it to my mother. my mother, phoned me 5 times a day, at first i feel annoyed. what the use of calling me that often? it's so rude? right? then i started to think, god, what i had in my mind? i am her only daughter, who knows nothing about this cruel cruel world, and i am so new to this environment, she must have worried so much. she used to spend all days with me, and now only once a month? it's such a significant change right? mom, i miss your fruit salad, your tempe, your wake-me-up-routine, your bad sense of driving, your laugh, your smile. and i just wanna hug you tight now. now.

This movie is sick, yet I love it so much, cause I'm sick. For you who hates blood, watch this, you'll hate it even more. and for you who has thought about doing suicide, watch this, you'll find it easier to do suicide. it's japanese movie, you must have known what it will be like, lots of depressed teen, you will see some cool suicidal scene, i just love it so much, cynical yet tragic. the main point is, do you connect to yourself? do you connect to beloved one? if you really do, so what's life worth? you will always do connect whether you're alive or dead. so, why are you still alive when you can be died? sick? yes, mm, you'd better watch other entertaining movie after watching this you know, to balance your mental. nyehehehe.

25th january will be kind of a joke for me, it's my first day on 2nd semester, but it just like another pansus meeting, pointless and nothing but a joke. it's not that i am not interested, it's just, mmm, what you call that, lazy? beside, knowing the fact that i have to catch up my score this semester making me wanna escape. things just go unplanned lately, i need to set it up. but i don't know how. yes, lately i just don't know how to do anything. anything. sad? innit? I have been kinda sad you know, sad, nothing entertains me, i need a good joke, i am practically enough with my cynical yet contagious sense of humour, but that's sick! it's normal, but it's just not what i am supposed to do to laugh. what did i write actually? argh, i suck. and i badly need to go back to bandung, not the college, i need my routine. become routineless sucks. and anyway, i have just cut my hair, they tell me i look funny, i mean it. they laugh at me. they tell me i look like dora, mm, betty la fea? mm, it sucks. i think i look like anne wintour instead of dora or goddammit betty. do i really look like her? oh my. yes, i do have the bangles, the glasses, the braces, the goddammit face! nyeeh, but i am not that fat. i'm more like chubby, nyeeeeeh. i begin to make up a lie. i don't know, truth sometimes hurt. but which one more hurtful, truth or lie? anyone?

I just got back from hospital doing rontgen for my sinusitis diagnoze. It only took for about 30 minutes plus the waiting. Doctor said I am just infected by some bacterias not really having the sinus, mm, kinda great news for me. since I have been having troubles with my os frontale, os nasale, and os zygomaticum lately without knowing what the real cause. it just simply hurts me, everytime I feel tired, I must be feeling bad in those areas. I have been questioning why, I thought it was my eye, so I went to the optic, and get a new glasses. but this unwell condition still going on, so my father suggested me to go to the specialist to check whether I got sinus or not. and this is the result of my radiology test, look pretty cool, huh?

It's raining so hard right now, in Bandung. I don't like being alone in my room. I miss my mother and my father. How we always chat in the middle of such a heavy rain like this. I have no brother nor sister, that's why I am so close to them. In my hometown, bogor, rain frequently falls, almost everyday in this kind of season. black out oftenly happens. usually, we spend hours talking at my parents' bedroom. simply chat, discuss stuffs, jokes around, share what's good from our day. my dad always come up with his unordinary jokes. my mom always got a silly story from her day to tell. i have my story about you know teenager stuffs. i love them. and i badly wanna go home right now. i miss my mother and father. i regret bad things i have done that succeded in making them upset. i haven't done anything to make them proud of me. god, i just ask for more time to make them happy. i am their only one, their only hope, and let me make them happy, the happiest time of their life. i am here, alone. i don't know if i am lonely. i guess i can socialize pretty well, but i don't know if i am really happy inside. there is a stumbling rock in my heart. it's about something i still can't achieve. i don't ask for eternal hapiness, but if it possible i would love to feel one, or give it to my mother. my mother, phoned me 5 times a day, at first i feel annoyed. what the use of calling me that often? it's so rude? right? then i started to think, god, what i had in my mind? i am her only daughter, who knows nothing about this cruel cruel world, and i am so new to this environment, she must have worried so much. she used to spend all days with me, and now only once a month? it's such a significant change right? mom, i miss your fruit salad, your tempe, your wake-me-up-routine, your bad sense of driving, your laugh, your smile. and i just wanna hug you tight now. now.

This movie is sick, yet I love it so much, cause I'm sick. For you who hates blood, watch this, you'll hate it even more. and for you who has thought about doing suicide, watch this, you'll find it easier to do suicide. it's japanese movie, you must have known what it will be like, lots of depressed teen, you will see some cool suicidal scene, i just love it so much, cynical yet tragic. the main point is, do you connect to yourself? do you connect to beloved one? if you really do, so what's life worth? you will always do connect whether you're alive or dead. so, why are you still alive when you can be died? sick? yes, mm, you'd better watch other entertaining movie after watching this you know, to balance your mental. nyehehehe.

25th january will be kind of a joke for me, it's my first day on 2nd semester, but it just like another pansus meeting, pointless and nothing but a joke. it's not that i am not interested, it's just, mmm, what you call that, lazy? beside, knowing the fact that i have to catch up my score this semester making me wanna escape. things just go unplanned lately, i need to set it up. but i don't know how. yes, lately i just don't know how to do anything. anything. sad? innit? I have been kinda sad you know, sad, nothing entertains me, i need a good joke, i am practically enough with my cynical yet contagious sense of humour, but that's sick! it's normal, but it's just not what i am supposed to do to laugh. what did i write actually? argh, i suck. and i badly need to go back to bandung, not the college, i need my routine. become routineless sucks. and anyway, i have just cut my hair, they tell me i look funny, i mean it. they laugh at me. they tell me i look like dora, mm, betty la fea? mm, it sucks. i think i look like anne wintour instead of dora or goddammit betty. do i really look like her? oh my. yes, i do have the bangles, the glasses, the braces, the goddammit face! nyeeh, but i am not that fat. i'm more like chubby, nyeeeeeh. i begin to make up a lie. i don't know, truth sometimes hurt. but which one more hurtful, truth or lie? anyone?

I just got back from hospital doing rontgen for my sinusitis diagnoze. It only took for about 30 minutes plus the waiting. Doctor said I am just infected by some bacterias not really having the sinus, mm, kinda great news for me. since I have been having troubles with my os frontale, os nasale, and os zygomaticum lately without knowing what the real cause. it just simply hurts me, everytime I feel tired, I must be feeling bad in those areas. I have been questioning why, I thought it was my eye, so I went to the optic, and get a new glasses. but this unwell condition still going on, so my father suggested me to go to the specialist to check whether I got sinus or not. and this is the result of my radiology test, look pretty cool, huh?